Gummed up Gears, Parenting, Age and Equilibrium

Several months since last post! The gears were gummed up... literally and figuratively.

It was a period when a line from the Grateful Dead song kept playing back: " Set up like a bowling pin, knocked down-- it gets to wearing thin... Just keep truckin' on..."

Ohhhh, the challenges of parenting -- holidays and then-- (Theme from "Jaws" playing)-- the unleashing of microbes-- head lice (TWICE), Strep and --plantar warts --?! (Yes indeed, son Georgie picked those up-- God knows where) followed by the usual end-of-winter febrile viral infections with lost school days (and obgynmom and daddy being home allowing the microbes to find greener pastures with the parents). Daddy, despite being exposed more hours was able to escape the latest nasty strain, but I found myself on a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the ED with acute bronchospasm. I balked at steroids but 3 days later, back in the ED, I conceded to taking them -- no they didn't cause psychosis or weight gain or hair growth. What I feared and what happened was that if the illness was serious enough to warrant steroids then it was serious enough for me to be forced to rest until the course of medication was complete. (That was my ordeal-- Imagine my husband having to deal with his hyper, non-exercising very, very cranky, endorphin-withdrawing wife). No spinning w/ Betty, no swim sprints, no tempo runs... just sleep, hydration, prednisone, inhalers, and positive self-talk. And self re-evaluation. "Indeed Kitsa, you may backslide.. its okay. Start (nearly all over again) to build your base... it is a- OK. You don't do this for a living, remember?"

I read a humorous post the other day about having a special category for older triathletes who are parents of young children... some sort of handicap due to sleep deprivation, illness etc. Unfortunately swimmer Dara Torres is a good counter- argument to the parent thing. Let me just say that Ms. Torres is the newest initiate in my pantheon for being an elite, competitive athlete as well as a mother. So, in self-pity, I thought of a different tack: How about having a different category for OB's (and midwives)? -- Unlike our cardiology, orthopedic and other specialty counterparts (since these docs have ED docs and hospitalists to cover them for call) there is no buffer, no physician between a patient at the hospital and the OB. Just think--36 continuous hours of no sleep once a week (sometimes more) has GOT to wear anybody down. Most recently a continuous 68-hour stint flattened me-- but yet I also found it a challenge-- I managed to get back in the saddle after two nights in my own bed and yesterday I even had a great 10K run. Did I feel invincible. And, now being out of the haze, I remind myself, in spite of the field obstetrics "handicapping" one's athletic training and performance, it really IS a blessing to be an obstetrician. It is like being at the finishing line of a women's race-- I find myself cheering women in the delivery room in exactly the same way. "You are so strong", I often find myself telling the Mom-- she should feel invincible too.

Ok, how to re-establish equilibrium with the current schedule?

Current Obgynmom week:

Mon: 5am wake up; lollygag til 5:10am. First cup of joe, throw laundry in, change into work out clothes. Kiss son and spouse (daughter getting beauty sleep), get to gym no later than 6am-- treadmill or outdoor run, depending upon weather. Core work. Coffee cup #2; 8am-8am call. Just 'cause L&D 'aint busy don't mean the ED 'aint busy with women with various pelvic pain and/or bleeding complaints. Possible C/S or laparoscopy in the wee hours of the morning-- a crapshoot.

Tue: Post-call. No exercise-- even if good call night (mantra to self: it is your REST day). Rush from hospital to start office hours 9 til 5. By 3pm, deeply wallowing in self-pity-- status post 4 cups of coffee and 1/4 lb M& M's. Leave office at 5:10pm- rush for pick up of 7-going- on-14 year old daughter from gymnastics. Daughter complains about my tardiness, her hair, piercing her ears and why can't I buy her Gatorade? Argument ensues. Get cranky. Ask husband to please make me his amazing Appletini which has been modified to include ONLY alcohol, no apple juice. Throw laundry into dryer. Coax/cajole/threaten son to practice piano and violin; more forceful threats for daughter to do homework before dinner. Cajole/coax/ threaten both children over dental hygiene at bedtime. Then read bedtime stories and fall in love with kids all over again, lights out at 9pm. Stretching x10 min. Fold laundry. Collapse in bed at 9:30 pm. Promise husband that weekend plans to be discussed on a non-post-call evening.

Wed: 6 am Spin Class with Betty, who is an undercover trainer for the US Navy Seals. Simultaneously love her and hate her as she pushes me so way out of my comfort zone with her exhortations , her motivating music and well-planned work outs. Drink 20 oz Gatorade and still thirsty. End up cursing myself and swearing off Appletinis. Off to hospital for grand rounds, rush back to office til 5. Finish 4 cups coffee by 3 pm. Cub scouts, late dinner, lots of seltzer water in penitence. Sneak Gatorade bottle in trunk so no evidence for daughter. Cajole/coax/threaten... Bedtime stories, fall in love with kids all over again. Stretch x10 min. Fall asleep early again.

Thu: Pool by 5:30 am. Rush to get back to kiss kids goodbye and see them off on school bus. Rush to work. 5:10 pm, running out door, renewed promise to pick up daughter from gymnastics on time. Since it ends at 6:30pm, actually make it on time, or at least no more than 5 min late. Daughter somewhat mollified, but asking for playdates, pierced ears, Gatorade, plans for weekend. Coax/cajole/ threaten ... Bedtime stories... Stretch x10 min, manage to make last minute weekend plans with spouse, collapse in bed by 10 pm.

Fri: Hooray no office today! TM or run by 8am. Kiss kids off at 8:10 am. Errands, laundry, lunch date with spouse. Kids and movie night. Computer games, movies motivate kids to brush teeth for EXACTLY 2 min. Yiayia over for dinner; she reminds me as my mother she feels free to remark on hair/clothes/weight... as well as the non-mundane issues of life-- marriage, career, etc

Sat: 6am bicycle outside or if bad weather, bike on trainer in basement. Kids decide to "give company" in basement. Fight ensues, tears, accusations, he/she said... SLDs ("single leg drills") interrupted. I turn on TV (PBS) in basement. Both kids quiet. Word Girl, Planet Zulu... Thank God. Resume workout-- now do I start those 30 sec intervals all over again? Husband disappointed that TV is on... states it stifles creativity. "Oh yeah? I'll show you creativity."
If it is a non-call day, perform shuttle service-- divide and conquer-- husband goes east w/son, for violin I go west w/daughter for horseback. Meet back at home for piano lessons.

Sun: Call best friend and neighbor (oh and by the way a pedi orthopedic surgeon and accomplished athlete-- ok, so who is not intimidated???!). Beg her to take me on a bike ride with her today... 20 miles of her leading pulls me along. She is a mother of two (smaller children) so we negotiate around nap times. I continue to beg. Husband rolling eyes but ready to beg for me since he knows crankiness is on the menu if nothing done soon. If no go w/friend -- I go out for a LSD (long slow distance) run. Waffles and kids waiting after run-- so very motivated to keep running (and improve PB). Family time, evening resumes with cajole/coax/threaten (homework, dental hygiene)... bedtime stories, stretching, sleep.

Maybe this is as good as it gets in terms of finding a schedule/ balance. A very close friend from med school, residency and now a high risk OB recently stated to me that I seem to create and thrive on disequilibrium. (So that I may find a challenge?). But I have noticed this behavior in friends my age and older-- is this not the upside of midlife? Let's go kayaking, Nora!